No Mom, I Don’t Have a Drinking Problem: Modelo Chelada
Hey look! It’s my very first review! What better way to start this farce of a project than with an extremely polarizing drink among my coworkers: a premade Chelada. A little background: a Chelada is a Mexican “Shandy” (beer with stuff in it to dilute it) that consists of beer, lime, salt, and tomato juice (or clamato, which is just clam juice and tomato juice). My manager thinks they’re disgusting. I really like tomatoes and I think this drink is lit as fuck. That said, let’s get into the meat of the review.
Before even diving in, let’s look at the can.
Design:
- Cool as hell
- Dope logo
- I like red
Very nice. Let’s get into the actual bev now.
Nose:
- Smells like tomatoes
- Briny???
- Vaguely olive smell
Palate:
- Yep, there sure is tomato in there
- Tastes like if sundried tomatoes were a beverage
- Very refreshing
- Definitely can taste the salt
- Lime might be the reason I’m picking up those olive notes because it’s combining with the tomato? I’m no scientist but that makes sense
- Very nice
Finish:
- Yep, that’s definitely beer
- Hello Modelo beer, I missed you when you were still in my mouth
- Goodbye, my refreshing friend!
Aftertaste:
- Beer
- Tomato
Conclusion:
Wow! My first review! Honestly, I drank this entire fucking tall boy while MCing a virtual trivia event, so I drank it too slowly to get drunk, which is probably both a good and a bad thing given how I am as a person. I really enjoyed this, but I’m also a slut for tomatoes and think it paired really well with the spaghetti I was eating (which was covered in a sauce that prominently featured, you guessed it, tomatoes), so take my review with a grain of salt. This is one of those drinks where the label is pretty clear, and if I had to say it tasted like anything, I would again have to say it tasted like sundried tomatoes (more than beer even! Can you imagine?). That said, tomatoes are not for everyone, so I can absolutely understand why some fucking gringo with a tomato aversion would turn their nose up at it, to which I say “it’s 2020, people are out here eating ass and drinking Coronas, grow up and try something a little more adventurous.”
Here’s the part where I plug all my handles and try to get money:
If you want me to try a particular product, feel free to DM me on twitter (@hpbeatsoff), instagram (@its.hpbeats), facebook (Harper Pollio-Barbee), or email me at hpollio.barbee@gmail.com with what you want me to try. I’ll give you a quote and you can venmo me @hpbeats the cost, because (this bears repeating), I’m working full time to pay rent and I’m broke as shit. If you think it would be funny for me to try a Macallan 72 (MSRP $99,999.99) as a total booze rookie, venmo me and I’ll make it happen.
